Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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