maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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