There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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