Already got asked if we're dating
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
