so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
