so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How external is "for external use only"?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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