And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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