He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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