This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
