Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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