Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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