I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
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EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
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What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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