If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
