Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
