I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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