And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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