The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
