Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
