just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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