When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
