I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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