What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
