he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
