My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
