so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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