I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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