I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
