Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
