Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
