yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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