I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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