I cannot find my penis.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
