margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize