it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
