i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm at about main and main street
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
