i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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