Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
