your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
