we're blogging at a bar
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
