I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
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you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
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You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.