he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys