If i come over, it means nothing
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
