Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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