This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
