i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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