Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
