I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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