Four minutes until I can fart!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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