Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
