Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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