i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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