You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
