I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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