I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
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Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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