If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
