I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
