So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
