i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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